#4.1: New Year’s Eve
December 31, 2017.
New Year’s Eve.
Champagne. Streamers. Poppers. Auld Lang Syne.
A time to celebrate the ringing in of a new year.
Year’s past, this night would have involved all of those things plus a sparkly new outfit, an all inclusive party package at a fancy hotel, and a night filled with dancing.
December 31, 2017, however, was a bit different. For the past 18 months I had been dealing with an extremely painful herniated disc in my lower back that was beginning to affect my normal lifestyle more each day.
In those months, I tried everything that the doctors recommended to ease my pain -
physical therapy - check
medication -check
back injections - check
altering my normal physical activity - check
But, to no avail. Nothing brought about any sort of substantial or lasting relief.
I went for second and third opinions by all the top doctors in the area, desperate for an answer. For any sort of solution.
Why couldn’t anyone help me?
Chris and I were ready to begin our family, but my back was the biggest obstacle to being able to do so.
After living in pain for over a year and strictly following all of the doctor’s orders to remedy my back - I was delivered the painstaking news that I secretly feared the most.
“With the condition of your back, the chances of you being able to successfully carry a baby to term without complication are slim,” my doctor said.
These words that echoed in my mind felt more like a punch to the gut. Devastation set in.
“I just turned 32 years old. How is this possible?,” I managed to whisper with defeat, in between sobs at the doctor’s office.
I had one option left…. a spinal fusion.
An extremely invasive, high-risk procedure where my orthopedic surgeon would fuse together two of my vertebrae.
This would involve a multiple night hospital stay, weeks of of medical leave from work, months of PT, and plenty of unknown risk.
I was desperate. I wanted a child more than anything in the world. I also wanted to be pain-free again. I was so ready for everything to not feel like a constant struggle.
“When is the soonest availability that you have?,” I asked.
I knew it was going to be an uphill battle, but I was ready. I was on the books for the first week of January.
In true consultant-like fashion, I researched everything that I possibly could about the procedure. Watched videos. Reviewed blogs. Joined online spinal fusion support groups to gain knowledge, tips, and tricks from those in my same shoes.
I knew that there was a chance that the fusion would not actually “fuse” properly. In order to up my chances of success, I needed to eat clean, limit alcohol, limit caffeine. I only wanted to do this once. I was willing to do it all.
So, come December 31, 2017 when I was feeling slightly under the weather, I decided to play it safe. I decided to stay in for new years for the first time in, well, probably ever at that point.
I was nervous. I told Chris that I didn’t feel 100% and with the surgery just a few days away, I didn’t want to risk going out and getting sick. He understood.
(I later learned that I missed quite the interesting evening, involving the salvaging of curb-side Christmas trees, repurposed as hostess gifts that night. And, a deep conversation between Chris’ good friend and our dog, Henry. I guess if you need to get something off of your chest, a dog is a pretty safe bet to be a good listener….Needless to say, I didn’t regret my decision to stay in and have an uneventful new year’s.)