#4.5 - Shattered to Dust
Not more than a couple of months later, I went to a women’s conference with my mom and sister and heard an amazing talk by Lysa Terkuerst, a Christian author and speaker.
She talked about the broken pieces in our lives. We all have them. And how sometimes you can glue those pieces back together and let God’s light shine through the cracks. While that is a beautiful story, she went on to ask...
“But what about those times when things aren’t just broken, but shattered beyond repair? Shattered to the point of dust. At least when things are broken there’s some hope you can glue the pieces back together. But what if there aren’t even pieces to pick up in front of you? You can’t glue dust.
But what if fixing, editing, and repairing isn’t at all what God has in mind for us in this shattering? What if, this time, God desires to make something completely brand-new? Right now. On this side of eternity. No matter how impossible our circumstances may seem.
You see, dust is the exact ingredient God loves to use.
Of all the things God could have used to make man, He chose to use dust. “Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being” (Genesis 2:7, NIV).
Jesus used the dust of the ground to restore a man’s sight. Jesus said, “‘While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.’ After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes” (John 9:5–6, NIV). And after the man washed in the pool of Siloam, he went home seeing.
And, when mixed with water, dust becomes clay. Clay, when placed in the potter’s hands, can be formed into anything the potter dreams up!
“Yet You, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.” (Isaiah 64:8, NIV)
Dust doesn’t have to signify the end. Dust is often what must be present for the new to begin.”
You see, I couldn't see it at the time, but now it is clear as day.
The physical healing of the spinal fusion was never what I needed, even my insurance denied the coverage. Instead, the Lord knew all along what I was in desperate need of - spiritual healing; a new heart for Him formed from the dust of a shattered heart that I allowed to become hardened one circumstance at a time over the years.
I’ve heard it said that you feel the closeness of the Lord the most during your darkest days. While I can’t explain it, I couldn't agree more.
I wrote the following in the beginning of February 2018. It was a way to grieve, to honor this babe, and a reminder that even in the darkest of times that my joy comes from my Savior and is not based on circumstances- that joy is everlasting and can never be taken from me.
I’ve longed for you my whole life, my heart has ached for you each night.
A mother I’ve always wanted to become, you my dear were to be the one.
Too quickly you were taken from me, but in my heart you will always be.
For when you opened your precious eyes, you saw the face of our Lord on High.
In His arms you can rejoice, knowing no pain, fear, or remorse.
In those same arms He holds me tight, and counts the tears I lose each night.
Until the day I join you above, I praise the Lord for His unfailing love.
His grace is sufficient to get me through the days, and because of His sacrifice I can’t wait to meet you one glorious day...
Psalm 112:4,7: “Even in the darkness light dawns for the upright... He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear.”
